Fashion Your Own Athenian-Hipster Image

Are you tired of being called unsophisticated in a town full of elitist art-connoiseurs?  The only solution is to assume an Athenian hipster identity. This article will serve as a comprehensive guide to establishing and maintaining your very own indie image!   
Before you start tuning your fashion sense to “indie vogue”, you need to understand that the “look” alone will not discernibly improve your status in Athenian hipster communities. Without making extensive lifestyle changes, you won’t develop any degree of legitimacy.
Changing your music collection is vital, unless, of course, you already listen to low-fi tunes with gravelly cadences and melodically inert vocals.  In Athens, your main objective is to discover music that you have to struggle to like.  Whether you get the music or not is irrelevant.  As long as people think you get it, you’re gravy.   
If you are unsure whether or not the music you find is fashionable enough, ask yourself questions like: Does it have melody? Does it have tuned drums or clean vocals?  Have my friends heard it before? If the answer to these questions is yes, the music you have selected probably won’t fly in crowds you want to be associated with.  Athenian indie music should conjure up images of Jeff Goldblum convulsing on a landfill of discarded Miley Cyrus albums.
As far as indie apparel goes, it is recommended that you wear loose V-neck Tshirts, raggedy vests, tight jeans, canvas shoes, and knitted head-ware that doesn’t quite conceal your undomesticated hair; anything that makes you look like you are beyond superficial concepts like physical appearance and name brands.
Every self-aware hipster should know that adopting a counterculture is more stylistically demanding than abiding by mainstream fashion trends.  But ultimately, when selecting your attire, you want to avoid looking like you spent hours upon hours at the thrift shop, hand-picking those clothes that best emphasize your indifference to social trends.  
Confidence is key in the Athenian indie movement.  Your objective is to be cooler than your peers by having superior tastes in music and fine arts.  You must display confidence in your opinions.  This confidence allows you to effectively defend your tastes when you are rebuked by rival hipsters who claim to be patrons of “real” art. If your tastes are publically criticized, simply compare the art you endorse to compositions by underground art-pioneers that don’t actually exist.  When your competitors google the names you fabricated, they will have to concede that you are raw enough to discover and appreciate uncharted art that even Google can’t expose.
Once you’ve harnessed your indie image,  it’s time to take it to the bars. Make sure to stay on the West side of downtown.  Only order PBR, and lean on as many things as possible.  Standing erect makes you look socially-engaged and suggests that you are concerned with other people’s perception of you.  Also, remember to shrug a lot when you have conversations, as if you are jaded by the multitude of interesting thoughts you alone can think.  
Follow these suggestions, and you will see positive results in the time it takes your critics to forget the normal and unimaginative attributes you formerly possessed.  By then, you will be an accepted member of a trendy Athens subculture.

(published in Rough Draft)